Tonight, after you came downstairs for the 5th time, displaying your most evasive maneuvers in anti-bedtime stalling, we finally convinced you to go to sleep. I know that you don’t believe us when we tell you how boring our nights are. We explain night after night how we toil and labor while you sleep happy-glittery-fairy-laden dreams. Dishes, laundry, cleaning the cats’ litter box, yuck! Who would ever want to trade sleepy time for all of those CHORES?
Well I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
The truth is, we DO have fun after you go to bed. That’s right! Phew, this feels so good to finally confess! In fact, the second you close your eyelids and drift off to dreamland, it’s PARTY TIME.
Here are all of things that Dad and I do after you go to bed:
1. We eat ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream. Sundaes, in fact. With every topping you can imagine.
2. We sit on the couch, eating ice cream, and watch all-night marathons of Doc McStuffins and Sofia the First.
3. We do CRAFTS. We use your crayons, stickers, paint, stamps, scissors and glitter to craft to our hearts’ content.
4. We host tea parties with special guests Angelina Ballerina and Wreck-It Ralph.
5. We play Minnie’s Bowtique and make EVERY kind of bow in EVERY color.
6. We make CAKE POPS.
7. We download app after app onto the iPad (mostly all stuff from Disney Junior and Nick Junior).
8. We ride your scooter all over the house (even in the kitchen where you aren’t allowed to ride it!).
9. We play horse show with your stick horses. You should see Daddy soar over the water jump we built in the hallway!
10. We blow bubbles.
11. We have hula hoop contests.
12. We build castles out of play-doh right on the coffee table in the living room.
13. We blow up your bounce house and jump til we drop.
14. That bottle of Hershey’s Syrup that’s in the fridge? The one that I always tell you is almost empty and not enough for chocolate milk? Nah. It’s fully stocked. We have chocolate milk every night and see who can blow bigger bubbles in it with our straws.
15. The front porch transforms into a stage for our nightly dance recitals. I don’t like to brag, but my jazz hands and grand jetes are pretty much the talk of the town.
16. Two words: Unicorn Rides
17. We Face Time with Santa and your Elf on the Shelf.
18. We wave our (real) magic wands and our mess magically disappears before you wake up in the morning.
Every night. All of the above. It all happens. Just like you thought.
Don’t you feel so much better know that you know the truth?
Now go to bed! We’ve got the Tooth Fairy stopping by for a rematch at Candy Land and a chocolate cake that needs to be frosted!